3-2-1 Launch

Publication Day

"NASA Aqua Satellite Launch" by Atmospheric Infrared Sounder is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

After my reading at the launch party for my new book, Objects of Affection, a young woman came up to the signing table with her copy and told me that I was the first creative she had ever felt brave enough speak to. That touched me and honored me deeply. I’ve been thinking about her comment ever since: how scary it is putting ourselves out there, hoping someone will smile at us and not think that we’re just weirdos. Or at least, that they will appreciate our special brand of weirdness. I keep thinking, same, girl. Same.

I practiced my reading for the party six times. And when I say practiced my reading, I mean not just reading the words on the page, but also the introduction and the “off-the-cuff” commentary. The speaking part didn’t worry me too much; I’ve been talking in front of classrooms and conference audiences for twenty-five years. I know I’m decent at it. Still, the practice reassures me.

There was a moment, though, at the beginning of my talk, that was completely unscripted. I spread my shear purple beaded cape wide and said, “I’m wearing butterflies tonight.” That sounds unhinged until you know that the event had a gothic garden tea party theme. My husband caught this moment in a photo (and no, I’m not sharing it). My eyes are looking up and to the right in a self-deprecating-aren’t-I-cute kind of way. But my mouth is in a tight grimace. Overall, the photograph is giving (as the kids say) terrified.

It’s a genuine moment of vulnerability, which is ironic considering that what I’m wearing pales in comparison to what I expose in the memoir itself and even in the section of it I read aloud. People have commented, “your writing is so personal” and “this is so raw.” I’m glad that’s the reaction because it means my writing is doing what I hoped it would do. But also, it’s not raw for me. It’s been crafted, carefully, into the written word. It’s been revised. And revised. And revised.

And still, there’s been an undercurrent of anxiety this week that I suspect has to do with this book, a personal book, going out into the world, meeting the eyes and judgments of strangers. I’m fiercely proud of this book. I genuinely believe it’s good, the best thing I’ve written. But my memoir’s publication feels a lot like getting up the courage to meet and speak to another creative for the first time.

So, Sofia—same, girl. Same.

PS. You know you want a copy of the memoir. If you haven’t already ordered it, you can do so at https://www.susqupress.com/books/objects-of-affection. You can also get a print-on-demand copy via Amazon or Barnes and Noble, but the quality of the photographs is just not as good.

PPS. If you’ve read the book and would be willing to leave a review on your favorite platform/bookseller website, I would be most grateful.